Follow your bliss and destroy the beauty
by DuRiechstSoGut98
Summary: What if there was no exile, and Revan returned to known space, unknown to the Republic or the Sith? How can she expect to stay on the 'light side of the force' when the galaxy around her is burning away into nothing?
1. Exile

I coughed as I picked my head up. I was in a pool of my own blood. I had no idea what had happened. It had been five years since I killed Malak, my old apprentice, and now the Sith wish to strike? I know I had been away, but as soon as I return, I'm targeted. Why?

"Beep beep boop bip!"

I'd reconize that sound _anywhere_.

"T3?" I weakly called.

"Beep bip boop!"

"Yeah, I can't get up. My body.."

I twisted my head to see that I was saturated in blood. I laid back down on the durasteel floor and tried to pick myself up.

"Beep! Beep brop bip boop!"

"T3, please." I mumbled.

I managed to stand myself up, and with the help of my trusty utility droid, T3-M4, I got myself into the medbay where I passed out.

---

::Awaken::

I inhaled deeply, my muscles spazzing with every breath. The kolto drained away and I stumbled out of the container and onto the floor in my underwear, scratching at the durasteel and wondering why every bad thing happened to me. I eventually shook off my pity and stood up, walking out of the room and into another where I used the computer console to unlock the morgue door. I gathered some medpacs and went into the morgue, stripping a body of a plasma torch. To my surprise, the old woman who I believed to be dead stood up and adjusted her hood.

"Find what you're looking for amongst the dead?" She asked raspily.

"I thought you were dead."

She nodded slightly. She told me her name was Kreia and she boarded the Ebon Hawk to save me, but obviously that didn't pan out well. After our meaningless conversation, I walked out of the room, looking at my shaggy, unevenly cut curly black hair. When I decided to re-enter Republic Space, I roughly cut my hair. Not many people knew, or even remember, what Revan looked like, so I should be okay. I walked into a nearby room and noticed a door. My thoughts were intruded my Kreia.

"This door..strange, in my dreams, it was open."

"Kreia?"

There was no response. I grabbed a vibroblade off a corpse and proceeded into the next room, where two twitching mining droids waited for me. I easily cut them down and proceeded into the next room when Kreia interrupted my thoughts again.

"Be careful." She warned quietly.

Her presence in my mind was like cool water, flowing incessantly through my body. I shook off the sensation and listened to what she had to say.

"There is much energy in the room beyond, yet it stems from nothing that lives.."

Ah, must be droids. What was with them lately? I could only assume that the droids killed everyone on the station, considering there was no one around. I scooped up a data pad and scanned it over, realizing there was a stealth field generator in the box. I snapped the generator and became invisible, easily dodging the droids and hitting the shut down button. I watched in the camera as a force field around a door in the back shut off, I walked over to it, and yet again, Kreia intruded into my thoughts.

"Be mindful of this one. His thought are...difficult to read."

I opened the door anyway and found a relatively attractive male in a force cage.

"Well hello." He drawled seductively. "Are you an angel? Ah, that's the worst line ever, I hope some kid doesn't start using it."

"I'd keep your eyes up and tell me what's going on." I quipped.

"Oh yeah, from my beautiful view in the force cage?"

I rolled my eyes and asked him what went on.

"You mean before or after the jedi showed up? Either way, it's a really short story. You see, when the jedi showed up, everyone on the station wanted to sell her off to the Exchange, collect on the bounty."

"Bounty? What bounty?"

The man chuckled. "You haven't been here long enough have you? The Exchange posted a bounty on live jedi."

"Now why would anyone post a bounty on jedi?"

Even though I gave up the force after I left known space, and was technically no longer a jedi, a bounty made me a little nervous. I decided after a long, unnecessary conversation, I would let this 'Atton Rand' out of the force cage and he'd help me get off Peragus.


	2. Forgotten Names

---Really big fast forward, sorry for those who wanted the Peragus crap in detail---

"Kreia your hand!" I gasped.

I remember as Atton and I were about to go back into the mining facility through the Harbinger's ion engines, and I collapsed as my hand felt like it being dipped in molten carbonite. Kreia clutched her stump in pain and I felt only an echo of the pain. She was trying desperately to shield me from the pain, but she was failing. I barely paid attention to Kreia and Atton snapping back and forth until Kreia asked to meet me in her chambers.

"Not that I care or anything," Atton sniffed, "but you should go check up on her. She seemed to be in a lot of pain."

I smiled wryly. "Aw, Atton I had no idea you cared!"

He flipped her hair so carefree like the way...

The way _he_ did.

I can't believe I can't remember his name. He was my first love, why does his name escape me?

I thought harder and harder until I got a roaring headache. I was on the verge on tears when I went into Kreia's chambers. It was actually the crew's quarters, but she was probably the only one who would use it, I thought humorously to myself. She explained how we had a very strong force connection. She then addressed my overwhelming sadness.

"Stop acting this way. It brings me down as well." She scolded.

"I'm sorry Kreia." I whispered and hung my head.

"Come to think of it, you have not yet given me a name." She pointed out deviously.

Panic washed over as I thought of a believable name. Nothing came to mind right away, but I answered quickly with the first thought in my head.

"My name is Mileena, I am sorry for not giving it to you earlier."

I clenched my teeth, and she seemed to believe this lie for now, until she came closer.

"Do not lie _Revan_."

I gasped audibly and leapt back, my hand covering my mouth.

"But how?" I whispered harshly. "I tried to hard--"

"To conceal your identity?" Kreia said sharply. "I am not surprised you do not remember me, _Revan_, what with the Jedi Council did to you. They erased your memory, did they not?"

I nodded carefully.

"They overdid it. I know you barely remember any of your former companions, and you are tirelessly racking your brain for some names."

I nodded again. _How does she know?_

She seemed almost sympathetic, which was unusual. I listened carefully for any flaw in her speech that would give away how she knew me. My 'exile' story was so carefully crafted, how could I have slipped? Obviously there was more Kreia than a simple, old, cryptic Jedi.

"I will keep your secret for now, but know that suspicions do arise, Revan."

I opened my mouth to object, but Kreia cut me off by raising her stump.

"Mileena." She drawled like it was poison to say my alias. "See to that fool in the cockpit, make sure we're still on course."

I crossed my arms and pouted slightly.

"Atton has a name, and I'd appreciate it if you'd use it once in a while."

"He is a fool and nothing more." She assured me. "Now see to it."

I sighed and instead of seeing to Atton, I took a quiet walk around the Hawk as the memories now came flooding back. Canderous, always working on my swoop bike in the garage and his tireless efforts to court me, HK-47 who stood ready and at attention near Canderous, with his constant talk of 'eviscerating meatbags', which always made me smile. I turned a corner and found the starboard dormitories, where Mission, I believe her name was, would always sit and play Pazaak with me. I sighed and turned around as I found the main room where I believe Zaalbar, Juhani and T3-M4 would sit and chat quietly. I knew T3 was with me, but I couldn't but ponder where Juhani, Zaalbar, Mission and Canderous could be. I sighed as I opened the door to where Juhani would always stand so tensely, and to my surprise, instead of an empty space, it was a disemboweled HK-47. I almost jumped with joy until I realized he was missing several critical parts, but they could easily be bought. I smiled and continued my search around the Hawk, trying to remember everyone and everything. I walked into the medical room where Jolee would be. I frowned as I thought of his fate as a Jedi, but I reassured myself that he was probably one of the Jedi that went into hiding and shut off the lightsaber, as Atton put it.

It all hit me like a sack of bricks as I thought of Juhani's fate too. Considering his brash and sometimes fiery temper, she might have been caught by the Sith and killed. I wanted to cry, but continued my tour as I ended up in the cockpit, silently walking in and remembering Bastila the co-pilot, but I still could not remember the main pilot. I remember how he was a decorated war hero, he was an amazing pilot, but I could not remember his face or name. I remember the way he used to smell too. Suddenly Atton caught me by surprise as he turned around.

"Something up?" He asked in a deep tone.

"No, nothing. Just trying to remember." I slipped.

"Remember what?"

I quickly recovered and answered, "My exile."

What was that man's name?


	3. Under Arrest

I continued to rack my brain for an answer, but the more I thought, the more it slipped away from me like water on ice. I sighed and asked Atton if we're still on course for Telos.

"As if we have a choice," He replied bitterly, "The only planet the ship had programmed into their astrogation charts was Telos. You can check the map on the wall if you want."

I nodded carefully.

"Okay, I will."

I looked on the map and we were still a ways away from Telos.

"So, what happened?" Atton asked.

"To what?" I was confused.

"Don't give me that, there were plenty of times where a lightsaber would've been helpful. What happened to yours?"

I took a deep, raspy breath, remembering how quickly Kreia saw past my façade.

"Exiles aren't allowed to keep their lightsabers, it was taken from me."

Atton nodded, pretending to understand.

"So, what did it look like?" He asked out of curiosity.

"It was a double-bladed silver lightsaber. I was so proud when I crafted it impeccably."

Atton nodded again, and I told him I was leaving to sleep and it wake me when we get to Telos.

"Will do." He replied.

He was attractive, but he was too much like a scoundrel. He probably would have no problem in leaving me for another woman. I sighed and walked around the Ebon Hawk again, my emotions for my former companions tugging at my heart. I tugged at my now-cut hair and sighed in aggravation. Why did I have to be Revan? Why wouldn't I be someone else? Someone less important. I would give anything to be that simple soldier enlisted into the Republic, everyone not knowing who I was or what I did. I had to forgive myself though, I knew that. I had to forgive what I've done in order to move on. I collapsed on the floor in the garage and cried my little orange eyes out. I had no idea why they were this strange color. Some say that Revan had eyes like this because the fire of war burned into her soul. That rumor was started by Atris, one of the Jedi Masters who wished me dead. Stupid woman, I cannot die. You are Jedi, you do not kill prisoners. I think my eyes were orange by birth, not because of war or any other rumor anyone would spread. I gathered my pity and stood up, going into the starboard dormitories where I laid down and stared at the ceiling. I racked my brain for the face of the man I loved. It was so long ago, I could not remember. Was it long ago? Alas, I cannot remember. And the man who tried courting me, what was his name? And the wookiee? Was there a female companion with me? Or two? Maybe there were three. I cried again that my friends' faces and names were slipping away from me, so I closed my eyes, hoping some sleep will bring the names and faces back.

::Sleep will never bring back the dead::

I bolted awake in a cold sweat with Atton standing over me.

"Uh, we're here." He said, confused by my sudden awakening.

I clutched to his jacket, terrified by the dream and the voice in it. It wasn't Kreia's, it was more like someone else. Someone much older and much wiser. Someone who knew what happened. Someone who knew the fate of my dear companions. Someone I once knew, long ago. Someone...

"Come Mileena, chill out." Atton said, aggravated by my sudden fear.

I reluctantly let go and shakily got out of the bed, my face whiter than the sheets I was laying in moments ago.

"You going to be alright?" Atton asked, gripping my shoulders.

"No, I will never be okay, but don't worry about me. Let's get out of here."

As soon as we left the ship, a voice came over the intercom.

"Please stay where you are. Lieutenant Grenn will arrive to meet you shortly. That is all."

"That's not good." Atton pointed out. "If they think we're behind Pergaus, then--"

He was cut off by an older man walking into the room with several soldiers. He told us we were under arrest pending the destruction of Peragus and all equipment and droids will be confiscated.

"Beep beep brip boop?" T3 chimed.

"That's you buddy," I whispered, "You're a droid."

He let out a low whistle of disappointment, but I assured him that I could get him back soon enough. They couldn't hold us forever considering that we weren't even behind the destruction. He beeped in agreement.

"Now if you'll come with me--"

"You don't even have any proof, sir." I quipped dryly.

"You are the only witnesses," He replied with closed eyes, "Therefore we have to detain you per Admiral's orders.

I sighed explosively until Kreia crawled into my mind and told me we should just go with him and keep silent.

"Alright, we'll go," I sighed, "But tell me one thing."

"Hm?"

"If you're confiscating our possessions, then tell me we'll at least have clothes."

Atton suppressed a laugh as Lieutenant Grenn rolled his eyes.

"Sarcasm and humor won't make this go any faster, now let's go."

A soldier roughly tugged on my arm as I grumbled and followed Grenn to the Telos Security Force headquarters.

Man, I sure know how to get myself in a world of trouble, both as Mileena and Revan.


	4. Lost Memories

"A force cage? Don't you think this is going a little overboard?" I asked as Atton, Kreia and I were being pushed into a cage with the power turned on behind us.

"As I said, this is only temporary until housing arrangements are made." Grenn replied with a tired sigh.

He turned and left the room, so I sat down and sighed explosively.

"You sure do know how do get yourself into trouble Mileena," Atton sniped, "I mean, I'm thrown into another force cage simply because you--"

"SHUT UP ATTON!"

I had exploded at this point, trying to think of a way to get out of this little predicament. My prayers walked through the door and claimed he was going to kill me in order to collect on the bounty. Kreia helped me feel the force again, so I suppose I was technically a Jedi now. I stood up and cracked my neck, stretching my limbs and challenging the man who was now arguing with a strangely defensive Atton.

"Prepare yourself Jedi." He hissed.

"Leave her alone," Atton yelled, shaking his fist, "Deal with me, unless you don't have the guts to!"

"A broken Jedi, a fool and an old woman is no match for my skills. Come now, all of you."

With that, the force cages were disabled, and combat entered pretty quickly. I tucked and rolled as soon as the cage dissipated and launched myself into the man, who now claimed to be Batu Rem, in the gut. He stumbled back, giving Atton the chance to punch him in the face. Kreia stayed back from the fight, casting the occasional force power. I was caught off guard because "Batu" threw Atton to the ground and fired a shot at me and hit me in the side, causing me to cry out and stumble, staining the durasteel floor with blood. Atton made a killing move by hitting him in the right nerves around the heart just as the TSF stormed in.

"What happened? First the cameras go out then we hear a--"

He saw the body and his icy stare met with my eyes. 

"Alright Jedi," He said dangerously low, "Put your hands behind your head and slowly back up into the force cage."

"But I--"

"I won't ask again. Move it."

I did as he said and began to back up as a woman came in and said that the dead man was _not_ Batu Rem. Needless to say, I was a little peeved at this point when another officer said it must be an assassin.

"Good thing I didn't need to rely on your protection Grenn." I growled.

Grenn glared at me and said to follow him to my new quarters. I looked to Atton and Kreia who both nodded and I followed Grenn around Citadel Station until we arrived at a door.

"This will be your quarters for the time of the investigation. Anyone wishing to talk to you I will clear personally."

"Thank you Liuetenant." I said graciously.

"Maybe you ought to leave us a blaster or two? You know, just in case?"

The Lieutenant shook his head and walked out, leaving me to sigh heavily, fall on the floor, grab my hair and cry silently.

"What's up with princess pain in the--"

"Atoon just...stop." I sobbed.

He fell silent, unsure of what to do. Hell, I didn't know what I could do. I sat there for what seemed like hours, ignoring Kreia's attempts of influencing me to stop crying and get up.

:You're making a fool of yourself. **Get up.**:

:Make me.: I challenged.

She didn't do anything, instead Atton sat next to me and draped his arm loosely around my shoulder. I looked up and he looked sincere enough. Then again, scoundrels are good at lying.

"I'm sorry for what I said before." He whispered.

"That's not why I'm crying."

"The why are you?"

"The Ebon Hawk is gone." I sobbed loudly.

"No it isn't, it's right in the hangar. The good Lieutenant made sure of it."

I couldn't understand why I thought the Hawk was gone, but it was. I could feel it. I remembered when I told the man I loved that I was leaving for the Outer Rim and was leaving the Ebon Hawk behind. I told him of a secret compartment where I had hidden all of our pictures and souvenirs of the good times, things that would spark my memory should the mind wipe of the Jedi Council go a little overboard. Now those things were lost forever, and I would be stuck never knowing his name, and forgetting the names of my best friends.


	5. Slowdance to piss off Kreia

Atton lay my head into his chest and tried to calm me. I was calm by now, but I forced myself to keep crying so I could be this near to him. His smell was unique in every way. He smelled the way an adventurer would, not bad, but unique. This smell would always find itself planted into my memory. I hadn't noticed, but I had stopped crying.

"Feel better?" Atton asked.

I nodded faintly, and the phone began to ring. I got up and answered the call. It was from Mosa, who represented the Ithorian restoration project here on Telos.

"Do you know of our problems here?"

"Yes," I lied, "Please continue."

I wasn't feeling very patient today, so he explained how Czerka is going to destroy Telos if the Ithorians don't get full restoration rights. I agreed to help the Ithorians, only because I was never a fan of Czerka. I don't remember much about my 'other life', but I do remember hating Czerka for enslaving the wookiees. I yawned involuntarily and lay down on the bed.

"Wake me up when we're out of here." I half joked, considering that may be a while.

"Will do." Atton replied and twittled his thumbs.

I began to dream again of my former companions. There was the twi'lek girl who always made me smile. I believe her name was Mission. Her wookiee companion always gave the best hugs, although his name escapes me too. Then there was the man I had loved. I saw us there together, laughing and hugging. He told me he loved me and I said I had loved him too. His name was starting to come back to me, like a distant whisper on the wind. It started with a C, why could I not remember it?

"Phone's ringing." Atton said drowsily, shaking me from my memories.

I grumbled and barely made out the caller ID as Czerka. I ignored the call and went back to bed, dreaming of possible future events. I saw myself standing in the main bay with a blonde man staring intently at a map of the galaxy. He was attractive, but he looked no older then twenty four. Just a kid. Our voices were muted, but what we spoke of was important, I could tell. His face was wrinkled in deep concentration. I smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, running away and telling him to come find me. I was shaken awake yet again by Atton.

"We're getting out," He whispered, "Get up and look good."

I stood up and dusted myself off as Lieutenant Grenn told us of the Harbinger and that we were right when we said that the Sith have returned. He told us we could get T3-M4, the Ebon Hawk and our possessions back at the TSF base by the cantina. I sighed loudly and walked out of the room, glad not to be cooped up anymore. We made our way towards the shuttle and I gulped slightly. I HATE shuttles.

"Go on, get in." Atton coaxed, pushing me in the shuttle and buckling me in.

"I hate shuttles. I'm terrified." I whimpered.

"You can hold my hand if you want." Atton mocked, laughing at my fear.

The shuttle hissed slightly and I began to see stars from hyperventilating. The shuttle launched away and I would have screamed louder if I wasn't so dizzy. When we landed, Atton helped me out because I was shaking and pale from the ride that only lasted a few seconds.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" Atton asked.

"Fuck...you..." I panted.

We made out way towards the TSF base, and to my dismay the Hawk was indeed gone.

"Wow, you were right," Atton commented, "It is gone."

I sighed at the thought of those memories being gone. I shook it aside as the droid told me that our possessions were in the lockers. Atton slipped on his jacket and grabbed a blaster pistol as Kreia got her vibroblade. She seemed content as it hummed quietly in her hand. I grabbed my own vibroblade and made out way towards the cantina. When we got inside it was loud and crowded, just the way I like it. Apparently there were new bands on the scene because the music went from slow and steady to fast and hard. Atton smiled as a new band came on and played a soft song.

"Can you dance?" I shouted over the noise of the crowd.

"Yes, why?"

I didn't give him time to answer, instead tugged on his hand and led him to the floor where I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Let's dance." I giggled.

He seemed reluctant, but we danced under the cold, snide eye of Kreia's disapproval.


	6. Mother

The song ended and I felt like a little kid again. The kind of kid that gave the 'be my valentine' cards to a boy and actually mean it. The boy would then look at me and smile, and I'd melt. The boy just happened to Atton. We sat back down and tried to appear 'normal' and not a Jedi appearing to be normal.

:Why would you--:

I cut off Kreia's thought seeping into my own by putting up a wall. It was half emotion and half using the Force. I got up to leave with Kreia when Atton started to protest,

"But I just ordered a drink!"

"Too bad pretty boy, we have to find the Hawk."

He grumbled, but followed along anyway. After ten minutes, I realized I had no idea how or where to start looking for the Ebon Hawk.

"You agreed to help Chodo Habat," Kreia pointed out, "Maybe he will be of some use."

"Of some _help,_ Kreia." I corrected.

She was right, however. I made my way to the Ithorian Compound and found Chodo chatting quietly with Mosa. He closed his eyes for a minute and looked as if something had struck him.

"Are you alright Chodo?" I asked.

"Yes," He panted, "I am fine."

I nodded and asked him why he sent Mosa to speak with me.

"I am sorry I did not come to you directly. You know of the Restoration Project, yes?"

"Yes I do." I replied, trying to rush things.

"Then you know of our problem with Czerka. They are trying to gain full Restoration rights and remove us from the project."

"I'll never let that happen." I replied with a smile.

"I can only hope." He sighed and shook his head.

He told me about how Czerka police themselves on many worlds, and that the organization here have grown too large and powerful for the TSF to handle, so they have pretty much taken over the place. I nodded sleepily.

"Can we please hurry this along," I asked politely, "I am trying to find my ship."

"Your ship?"

"Yes. The Ebon Hawk was stolen out of the hangar and I'm trying to find it and the person who stole it."

"I may be able to help."

My ears perked up.

"How so?" Atton asked suspiciously.

"I heard about that. It was taken on the Restoration zone, yes? Then I can lend you a flier to go down onto said zone and retrieve it."

I almost jumped, but he mentioned a 'but'.

"But, you must do a few favors for me first."

I sighed. It was ALWAYS favors with anyone! Can't they do these things by themselves?

"Just go down to the hangar and get the prototype droid, okay?"

"Of course." I replied hazily.

"Were you even listening?" Atton asked when we left.

"Nope, not at all."

I heard him sigh behind me and I smiled. He was adorable when he sighed.

"It's a good thing I was. We have to go down to hangar two and retrieve a droid because the first one was kidnapped by Czerka. Got it?"

"Yes mother." I scoffed.

"Do you even remember your mother?" He asked.

I stopped. I hadn't thought about what happened in a long time. What the Jedi Council didn't know about why I had turned to the dark side. It had nothing to do with poor teaching like most people think. It progressed it, but that wasn't the sole reason. I remember being in a small room and I was only three years old.

--FLASHBACK--

"Closer your eyes Revan." She whispered.

"Mommy!" I screeched.

"Hush, don't look now. Close your eyes."

I screamed as I heard the heard the gentle humming of vibroblades and the sound of my mother's screaming. I covered my ears and eyes but nothing could drown out that sound and the feeling of her blood spraying on my face. I cried for two days until the door opened.

"My God.." He whispered.

He picked me up and carried me out of there, away from the death.


	7. Family Life

"Mileena, in the name of all that is good and holy, wake up!"

My vision cleared and Atton held me awkwardly in his arms, waiting for me to wake up. The intensity of the flashback knocked me out. Kreia was hunched over almost unnoticeably, an indication that she saw what I saw. I felt bad until Atton grabbed my attention again.

"What the hell happened to you? I asked if you remembered your mother and you blacked out!"

My mother…

I shook the whirring of vibroblades from my thoughts and shakily stood up.

"Let's just work on getting that droid." I whispered, making my way to the docking station.

Atton and Kreia followed behind, now alert and ready should I black out again. I spoke to the Ithorian at the door and he nodded, opening the airlock for me. We walked inside and I opened the inner door, walking inside to where a TSF soldier fidgeted nervously and kept his finger on the trigger of his rifle, and the droid who simply looked around, taking in his environment.

"Thank goodness you're here. I was the only soldier the TSF could spare, and frankly, I don't have a very good feeling about this." The soldier said shakily.

I nodded, and was about to tell him not to worry when a pack of thugs walked in, prattling on about how they were going to kill me and claim the bounty and so on and so forth.

"Lay down your weapons and make this easy for me." The leader growled.

"You want them," I growled right back, "Then come and get them."

They all fired and I charged ahead, getting minor burns from the occasional stray shot and easily cut down three. Kreia soon joined me, and with Atton's excellent aim, it wasn't long before we killed everyone. What surprised me was the pistol the leader was carrying. I picked it up and studied it carefully, noticing many illegal modifications. I made a mental note to talk to Grenn about this and I told the droid to follow me to the Ithorian compound.

"Of course master." He replied politely and followed me.

The only thing I could stand calling me 'master' was HK-47. I loved him so much, it's a damn shame he's deactivated. Hopefully I'll be able to put him together and he'll be as good as new with his 'meat bag' this and 'may I eviscerate this meat bag now master?' talk. We arrived at the compound and Chodo prattled about thankful he was and all that nonsense. I yawned and told him I'd have to take up his offer for another favor tomorrow as I was extremely tired now.

"Oh yes, of course. You go to sleep and come back in the morning."

"Will do." I called over my shoulder and left the compound.

"Will you tell me what happened before now?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb, tell me what happened."

"I'll tell you when we get to the apartment, fair enough?"

Atton grumbled, so I took that as a 'yes'. We arrived at the apartment, only to find that one bed was completely obliterated.

"What the hell happened?" I laughed.

"It looks like this bed is destroyed. That means one of us will have to sleep with someone else."

Somehow, I think Atton had something to do with this 'bed obliteration'.

"Okay, you can sleep with Kreia tonight."

Atton made the most inhuman cry of disgust I have ever heard, which sent me into a fit of laughter.

"I'm only kidding Atton," I said between chuckles, "We'll share a bed tonight."

He sighed in relief, then proceeded to pester me about earlier again, which wiped the smile off my face. He was very persistent, I had to give him that.

"I did promise you, didn't I?"

"Well, you didn't promise anything, but it would be nice to know."

I sighed and took a deep breath, explaining my story about my mother whispering for me

to close my eyes and don't look. Atton's face was pure disgust.

"I can't believe anyone would do something like that," He gasped, then asked, "What did she look like? Your mother that is."

"Well, I remember her having straight red hair and fiery orange eyes, like mine."

"That's an odd color for eyes." Atton pointed out.

"I know. No one in the Jedi Council believed me that they were natural, and instead they merely said the fires of war still burned inside me and exiled me. Except for one person."

"Who would that be?"

"That would be Master Kavar, the first master I remember. I'm sure I've had others, but I don't remember them right now."

Atton nodded and went back to the topic of my background and family life.

"So do you remember your father?" He asked.

"Hardly. All I remember is my mother talking to herself about how much of a bastard he was. I guess he left after I was born."

"Did you have any siblings?"

"I don't know, why are you asking all these questions?"

"I'm just curious, if you want to ask questions about my family life, I'll answer them."

"Okay, do you have any siblings? Do you remember your parents?"

"I had one brother named Zak, who apparently died a long time ago, and my mother was a sweet lady 'till my father killed her."

"Did you kill your father?" I gasped.

"Yeah. It was only fair."

I chuckled at how nonchalant Atton talked about this.

"Do you know for sure if Zak is dead?"

"No, but that's what my father told me a long time ago."

"Then he might still be alive."

"Maybe. For now, let's just go to sleep."

I nodded and awkwardly climbed into bed with Atton, who wrapped his arm around my hips so I wouldn't fall.

"Just so you know Mileena.."

"Yes Atton?"

"I destroyed my bed."

I laughed and fell into a dark, dreamless sleep.


	8. Bao Dur

I awoke in a cold sweat from another nightmare about my mother. It was funny that I didn't think of her much until Atton brought it up. I missed her, and to the best of my knowledge, I was an only child. I tried hard to remember if I had any siblings, but again I was answered by a roaring headache and losing memories of the simple things. I let sleeping dogs lie for now. Speaking of sleeping dogs…

"Atton, we have to get up," I grumbled and shook him, "C'mon man, seriously. Get up."

He growled slightly and swatted at me. I sighed and pushed him off the bed. He landed with a hard thud, and I could feel the approving eye of Kreia. I looked at her, but she didn't show any emotion. I knew she liked seeing Atton kicked off the bed however.

"What was that for?" He grumbled and stretched.

"It's time to get up. We have to do some things for Chodo, remember?"

"Oh yeah." He yawned.

I changed my clothes and headed out with Kreia and Atton, praying this wouldn't take very long.

--BIG ASS TIMESKIP 'CAUSE I'M LAZY--

"Finally!" I sighed in frustration and walked into the hangar the Ithorians prepared for me.

It had been an excruciating three weeks since I've been working for the Ithorians. They finally let me, Atton and Kreia take a small orbital shuttle down to the Restoration Zones, so I could find an Iridonian mechanic named Bao-Dur, and he could access the shield network and find the Hawk for me. Who knows, maybe he'll prove useful? I strapped myself in so tight I was seeing stars from lack of oxygen. Atton sighed and loosened me up.

"Relax scaredy cat. It's not that bad once you get used to it."

"Yeah, but this isn't the Hawk. When you're in the Ebon Hawk, you really can't feel yourself flying because it's a big ship. When you're in a tiny POS orbital shuttle, you can feel _everything_."

Atton rolled his eyes and shrugged, strapping himself into the pilot's seat and priming the engines. Kreia took a seat next to me and, amazingly enough, strapped herself in. I thought you had to do that kind of thing with two hands. The shuttle started away gently, but dipped low into the shield zone. I gripped the armrests until my knuckles were white, but I didn't scream. I did however, scream when we were shot at and Atton crashed onto a mountain. We soon spiraled down and I quickly unbuckled myself just before we crashed, and I was launched out of the windshield. I watched a pair of boots approach me before I passed out.

--

"Look at that, she's finally waking up." An unfamiliar voice whispered.

I grunted and tasted copper as I picked my head up. I spit and, sure enough, there was a bit of blood in my mouth. I looked up and noticed an Iridonian standing over me.

"Morning General." He whispered.

It came back at me like a ton of bricks. I remember taking on two different personalities during the Mandalorian Wars. One, of course, being Revan and the other being Mileena, the vicious, take-no-prisoners bad ass chick who still had a soft side. In retrospect "Mileena" was exactly like Revan. As a matter of fact, there was only one man in the entire galaxy that knew of my true identity, besides Kreia. One of my first masters and my first crush.

**Master Kavar**.

I pushed my memories away for now and struggled to get up. The Iridonian lent me his hand and I graciously accepted. Before I could ask him if he was who I was looking for, He asked me a different question.

"Remember me General, from the Wars?"

"Hm?"

"Remember? I was the only Iridonian mechanic in the Mandalorian Wars."

"I'm sorry, but I don't really remember much of the war and I'd prefer not to talk about it."

He nodded respectfully and Kreia and Atton began to stir. I rushed to Kreia first, considering she was old.

"Oh, never mind your dashing rogue." Atton grumbled as he sat up.

"Are you alright Kreia?" I asked, ignoring my 'dashing rogue'.

"Get away from me, I'm fine," She hissed, "Care to the fool."

I rolled my eyes and moved to Atton. He sat up and I touched his chest, which struck up another indecent conversation with him.

"You know, I usually treat a woman to dinner before I let her--"

"Quiet Atton." I hissed.

I touched his chest firmly, checking for broken ribs. I pressed my ear close to his lungs and told him to breathe deeply. He obeyed without question, and I heard something rattling.

"Shit." I mumbled and stood up.

"Something wrong doc?" Atton quipped.

"There's something rattling around your lungs."

He breathed again and barely winced.

"It's nothing I can't handle."

"Just take it easy please? I'll leave you here while Kreia and I--"

"Not without me." Bao added.

"Okay fine. Bao-Dur, Kreia and I will scope out and--"

"You're not leaving me here by myself." Atton growled.

I sighed explosively and tossed him a blaster pistol.

"Just don't slow me down, punk."


	9. Surgery and Peace

Atton struggled to get up, so I helped him. He immediately screamed and toppled to the ground. I sighed and decided that I had to help him now.

"We're going to have to do a make-shift surgery." I sighed, placing my hands on my hips.

"Make-shift? Whoa there. There should be no such thing as "make-shift". You either do it right or not do it at all."

I took off my jacket and laid it down across the grass and instructed Atton to lay down. Since he said he was a war vet (as far as I know, anyway) this shouldn't be a problem. He's probably gotten injured in the field before, so this should be a piece of cake. I took a needle I always kept in my boot for times like these and some medical thread.

"Good thing you came prepared." Atton breathed hard.

"Tell me about it." I sighed, ripping a piece of cloth from my shirt and tying it around my mouth for protection.

Bao-Dur started a fire before I could even asked him to, and gingerly took my utility knife, running it across the fire while I gave Atton a pep talk.

"I'm not going to lie sugar, this _will_ hurt, but it's for the better. If what I think happened has happened, then you'll die if I don't act soon. It's okay to scream, but don't scream too loud. I can give you a gag if you want."

"Yeah," He breathed, "Gimme a gag."

I tore off another piece of my shirt and stuffed it in Atton's mouth as Bao handed me my now-clean knife. Kreia watched with surprising approval and I nodded in her direction. I placed my head over Atton's chest and told him to breathe deeply. When I was sure of the location of interest, I tore off his shirt and placed my knife directly below his sternum.

"Get ready." I said, and sliced him open.

The sound that came from his mouth was almost inhuman. He bucked slightly, so Bao rushed to hold him down, trying to relax him. I cut him a little deeper as blood shot at my face and chest. I quickly grabbed tweezers and ran them over the fire. I squinted as I looked for the shattered xiphoid. I found it just barely stuck into what appeared to be his liver. I screamed at Kreia to salvage some bio-foam if we still had any. Amazingly, she rushed to the fiery ship and came back with two cans. I shook one quickly while at the same time grabbing the xiphoid with the tweezers. Atton had passed out from the pain by now, and that was good, since there was no resistance anymore. I quickly injected the bio-foam into his liver and sanitized the needle, threading it and sewing him back up. After all was said and done, I untied my mask, and flopped down onto the grass, welcoming the warm, soft sensation it brought. Bao hovered over me with a sharp smile.

"Way to go doc. You just saved his life."

I smiled back triumphantly.

"I try my best."

"Just a quick question."

"Anything Bao. Shoot."

"What is bio-foam and how does it work?"

I sat up and rested on my elbows, my raggedly cut black hair spilling about my shoulders.

"Bio-foam was recently introduced onto the medical scene as a sort of internal band-aid, if you will. You inject it during make-shift surgeries into major organs to stop bleeding, protect it from any bacteria sneaking in, and accelerate the regeneration of cells by at least sixty percent. Our little soldier should be able to move around by morning."

Bao nodded and gazed towards the sunset. Since it was too late to go and find the Hawk, I laid down in the soft grass, closing my eyes. I felt Kreia's presence not too far from me, and she intruded on my peaceful thoughts.

:I will keep watch. You must rest for now.:

:I had intended on it.: I replied.

A few minutes had gone by and the crickets were singing their night songs and I watched Bao sleep, his remote beeping quietly above him every few minutes to indicate it was still operational. His arm glowed a soft blue, like the oceans on Manaan during midday. After everything was said and done, I was going to move to Manaan and live just above the ocean. The sky above me sparkled with stars and the occasional cargo ship fluttering past. Moths gathered quietly around Bao's arm and I smiled slightly. I concentrated on the pulse of life, Bao and Atton's breathing, Kreia's alertness and vigilance, the hum of ships far above me and the shield wall. I was completely at peace when I suddenly remembered a former companion I had a force bond with.

I wondered if it was terminated, and if it wasn't, I hoped she could feel this sense of peace I'm feeling now.


	10. His Name!

I laid awake for the rest of the night, watching the zipping cargo ships go by in the dark sky. Kreia shifted slightly in the grass, Atton and Bao slept without making a sound, and everything was peaceful.

:Sleep Revan. You need rest.:

:I will, as soon as you tell me how you know me.:

I watched as Kreia shook her head. I got up and crawled through the grass to check Atton's pulse. It beat with a smooth rhythm and I sighed. Atton awoke with a jolt and clutched his chest.

"My chest.." He whispered.

"Yeah, you'll be fine." I whispered back with a smile.

"So where was I hurt?" He asked coyly.

"Right about here." I replied and pointed to where his xiphoid used to be.

Being the hopeless pathetic-excuse for a romantic, he snatched my hand and pulled me down on top of him. I struggled to break free, but Atton merely held my hand above on his heart so I could feel it's rhythmic beating.

"I may need a little extra TLC, doc." He whispered seductively in my ear.

I pushed myself off, evoking a grunt of pain from him. I looked down with my hands on my hips.

"I'm sure you do Romeo, but don't look at me."

All the commotion going on with Atton woke Bao-Dur. He groaned and rolled over, his arm now illuminating the grass beneath it.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?"

"Atton's a pervert, as usual." I sighed.

I helped him up and handed him a blaster. The sun was creeping over the horizon now and Bao sighed, grabbing his vibroblade. Kreia stood silently and took her vibroblade as well.

"Since it's dawn, we may be able to take any mercenaries by surprise." I said, readying my own vibrosword.

--

We easily dispatched the sleeping mercenaries before the sun could even make it over the horizon. I laughed triumphantly until we came across the beach. My ankles felt weaker as I saw a small house resting against the waves. My breath caught in my throat as Atton approached it. I knew exactly what this house was.

"What are the chances of finding something valuable inside?" Atton chuckled.

I grabbed a blaster pistol from my belt and charged it, aiming directly at Atton's head. I never thought I would use this kind of language before, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Atton, get the fuck away from that house."

"But we--"

I fired a warning shot that barely missed his head.

"Now."

He held his hands up and backed slowly away from the house. I jogged up to it and peered inside a window. It was well furnished and the owner seemed to have just left it. I knew they would come back eventually. There was a beautiful piano sitting in the corner with a picture resting on it. My memory slowly came back like cold water as I played the keys of someone's favorite song on the windowsill. I could barely see the picture as…

_**My former companions.**_

One had his arm around me casually as I rested my head on his shoulder, holding the hand that wrapped around me. A twi'lek girl held two fingers above my head, smiling mischievously. Another had his arms crossed behind me, barely smiling. A young woman knelt in front of me, her head resting against my shins with her knees up to her chin. A wookiee stood in the corner with his arms above his head. An older man stood in the opposite corner as the wookiee, also putting two fingers above a cathar woman's head, with her glowering at him. Two droids stood on opposite side of me, unmoving. The man who had his arm wrapped around me. My first love. I left him behind when I left the galaxy. My fingers still drummed the tune of his favorite song on the windowsill as I saw him enter as a shadow, with me along side him, although much younger.

"_Play the song Revan, please."_

"_Alright, alright, just stop!"_

I watched as I played the music on the piano, only to have it fade away as he ran past me, with the younger version of me following. We ran into the ocean, laughing and splashing each other in waist-high water. The man suddenly tackled me onto the shallower end of the ocean.

"_Careful Carth! You'll hurt the baby!"_

He stared at me as the waves of the ocean splashed against my ears. My laid on top of me and rubbed my stomach, smiling.

_"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the baby!"_

**Baby? What baby?**

I backed away from the windowsill, my hands covering my mouth. I looked down at my stomach and remembered the pain of labor. Even more importantly, _**I remembered his name!**_

Feeling satisfied that I had seen enough, my body betrayed me and I blacked out into the warm ocean water.


	11. Smile

The salty ocean water shooting into my mouth and nose woke me up. I writhed for a little while until I remembered where I was and why I had passed out again. Bao-Dur was standing over me, holding my head barely above the water.

"General, what happened?" He asked, relieved I was awake.

I didn't answer, instead stood up and wandered farther into the ocean, screaming his name in my head.

"_Carth…Carth…Carth…Carth!_"

I finally sank down into the water were it came up to my chest. No one came to make sure I could be alright, so I leaned forward back into the water. The water was exceptionally warm today, so I swam until I could remember everything.

--BAO'S POV--

The general was acting strange today. First she almost blasted Atton's head clean off his shoulders, then she looks in the window of the house and passes out, now she isn't talking to anyone and swimming.

"What's wrong with her?" Atton asked Kreia.

Kreia didn't answer, which only pissed Atton off even more.

"Did you hear me you old hag? What the hell is wrong with Mileena?!"

"Her name is not Mileena." Kreia answered simply.

What? If her name wasn't Mileena, then what was it? Before I could ask, hot-headed Atton did.

"What the hell are you talking about you old witch?" Atton screamed.

Figuring it was Kreia being cryptic again, Atton dropped his blaster pistols and ran full speed into the ocean. The water slowed him down, but that didn't stop him. He kicked and punched and slapped the water looking for the general. He looked to me and I sighed, knowing what this meant. I removed my vibroblade and held my biotic arm high above my head as I followed Atton's footsteps into the water. I also ran and kicked and splashed trying to find her, but I couldn't.

"Where the hell could she have gone?" Atton asked in frustration.

"I'm not sure. Check over there, I'll check over here."

Atton trudged through the water while I trudged in the opposite direction. The water was getting dangerously high for my arm, and when the waves licked at it, I had multiple spasms. I couldn't stop however. Not until one of us finds Mileena.

Or whatever the hell her name is.

--NORMAL POV--

I was starting to run out of oxygen, but I had no idea how far I had swam out to. I tried to use the force to find my way back, but I was that in tune with it anymore. I used the last of my strength to swim to the surface where I saw a faint blue glow.

"Bao!" I croaked.

No answer.

"Bao!!"

Still no answer.

"BAO-DUR!!"

--BAO'S POV--

"_BAO-DUR!!_"

A voice screamed on the winds. I turned my head and I saw a dark shape thrashing about in the water. It was dark now, since Mileena wasted most of the day passed out. I ran out deeper into the water anyway, the water now dangerously coming up to my arm. I tried to drag her out, but I couldn't do it with one arm, and if I waited until Atton got over here to help me, she could drown.

"Atton! She's over here!" I screamed and plunged both of my arms in to help her.

The electric pain that shot through my body was unbearable. I hope I wasn't electrocuting her while I was trying to drag her back into shallower waters. I heard Atton's rough splashing somewhat far off and I managed to drag the general to shallower waters. I finally let go of her collar and fell backward, trying hard not to black out from the pain.

Sorry general, I tried.

--ATTON'S POV--

I finally found Mileena and Bao-Dur, both passed out. Bao's body twitched uncontrollably as bursts of electrical energy shot through his body. I grabbed Mileena's collar and Bao's good arm and dragged both of their asses back on shore with the last of my strength. I dropped them both just above the line where the ocean swept in. Neither of them moved when I stormed up to Kreia. She better have a damn good excuse for not helping.

"You know, some EXTRA FUCKING HELP WOULD HAVE BEEN APPRECIATED." I screamed in her face.

She didn't answer, which surprised me. I expected her to make some kind of remark about my breath, my intelligence, my piloting skills, something.

But she said nothing.

"That's okay if you don't say anything," I spat, "Because Bao and I are the only ones who care about her apparently."

I laid myself down next to Mileena, hoping she would wake up and take care of me again. More importantly, that she would take care of Bao.

But she never woke up that night. I waited and waited for hours for her to wake up while my eyelids feeling like they weight about five metric tons.

She never awoke, so I simply fell asleep.

--

It was day now, and Mileena still wasn't awake. I struggled to get up as I rolled her over on her back and listened for a heart beat. There was none.

"Fuck." I whispered and started CPR.

I don't know how I did it, but I somehow succeeded, since I didn't know how to do it. I watched people do it all the time on movies, so I guess it paid off. The best part was giving her mouth-to-mouth, but I guess she didn't agree.

"ATTON GET OFF ME!!" She screamed and kicked and shoved.

I fell on my back in the sand while the water just barely touched my hair. When I sat up, it dripped into my eyes, so I went to rub them. Unfortunately, there was also sand on my hands. I ran around screaming trying to fix it, but all I heard was a faint laughter.

"Atton calm down, let me help you." I heard Mileena chuckled as she lead me back into the ocean.

Soon my vision was somewhat cleared, but the salt stung my eyes slightly. My vision was also blurry, but I didn't care.

All I could see anyway was Mileena smiling at me.

At least I could make her smile.


	12. Affection

--NORMAL POV--

Atton could be really dumb sometimes. I smiled as I splashed some water over his eyes. His eyes still stung from the salt, so I reached into my shirt and pulled out a cloth, rubbing it across his eyes.

"Is that better?" I asked.

"Yes." He whispered.

"Good, because we should get going." Bao said, still lying on the ground.

"We can't go anywhere if you're injured." I remarked, examining his arm.

He stood up and shook excess water from his arm, claiming he was fine. I shrugged and walked away, sparing one last glance at the small house resting on the shore. Images flashed past my eyes continuously as stalked along the beach, avoiding some menacing looking mercenaries. How they didn't notice all the commotion was beyond me. One image that flickered past me was my bare feet covered in sand with Carth's feet on my left, and another set of feet to my right. Another image was a baby wrapped in pink blankets in my arms with Carth's hand gently touching her. We were walking along the rock wall when I had to clutch onto it for support.

"General?" Bao asked worriedly.

"Go on ahead. I'll catch up." I breathed and lay myself down.

I couldn't go on with these images flashing before my eyes. I was now a liability to everyone, should this happen during a fight.

:Empty your mind.:

I couldn't do it. Images now flashed before me so fast, they were all a blur. My breathing became faster and I was beginning to panic.

:Empty your mind! Do not think of him!:

I took a deep breath and flushed the thought of Carth from my mind. It worked, and the images became slower and slower until they weren't there at all. Atton gave me a hand up.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked.

"Yes," I replied, "I'll be just fine."

--

"So? Where's my ship?" I asked as I wiped sweat and blood off my brow and Bao was hacking into the shield generator.

"I'm working on it General." Bao replied, frustrated.

I grumbled a little and sat down on the ramp, resting my vibrosword next to me. On my left, Atton took a seat a little too close.

"Hi." I said, trying not to sound creeped out.

"Hey there." He whispered.

He fidgeted with his fingers and I could see the sweat glistening on his fingertips. His breathing became faster and I was worried that he was getting sick.

"Are you alright?" I asked, pressing my hand against his head.

"Well no..I mean, yeah I am, but.."

I kissed his forehead to see if he had a fever, and he immediately fell silent, closing his eyes.

--ATTON'S POV--

I tried to tell Mileena, or whatever her name might be, how I felt. Ever since she found me on Peragus, I thought she was eye candy for me. Lately, though, she's become so much more than that. She's my savior, I would surely die if she wasn't here to take care of me.

"Are you alright?" She asked, pressing her cool hand against my head.

"Well, no," I said, but retracted my statement, "I mean, yeah I am, but.."

She didn't let me finish. I closed my eyes to think of a way to tell her I liked her without stumbling over myself, but she pressed her lips against my head, and all words I had planned washed away like the ocean on the beach. I closed my eyes and tried to imprint this feeling, should I ever get the chance to kiss her sweet lips.

Oh what am I saying? Sweet lips? Ah, cross that out.

(AN: If you haven't noticed, the story is in the perspective of a memoir.)

The kiss against my head was so brief I couldn't catch my breath once she stole it. She looked at me with concern.

"Well, you're not running a fever."

Oh, that's what _you_ think.

--NORMAL POV--

Atton's felt cool and salty, like sweat. He wasn't running a fever, I don't think.

"Well, you're not running a fever." I said, standing on my knees.

"I hope not." He replied.

"Got it!"

My head perked up towards Bao-Dur who stopped working with the shield generator. His face was illuminated by the computer console, so I ran over to him.

"Did you find the ship?"

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean, 'not exactly'?" I spat.

"Just that General. I know it's somewhere in the polar region because there is a small amount of power being drawn to a very small area. I'm not surprised the TSF didn't pick it up however. It's more of a small glitch than any major problem."

"So how are we going to get to the polar region if we have no ship?"

"Ah, now that's where it's going to get tricky, General. There's a ship inside the military base to your right, the last time records were reported anyway."

"And how long ago was that?" I asked, looking towards the base and seeing vines and rust creeping on it.

"A few months or years ago. It's hard to tell."

"Great, so we don't even know if it's still there or if it even works." Atton butted in.

"Well, there's only one way to find out." I sighed and grabbed my vibrosword.


	13. Atris

Quick note!

SO sorry about lack of updating. I had a touch of writer's block, then I went on vacation.

--

--UNNH, FAST FORWARD THROUGH THE MILITARY BASE, 'CAUSE THAT'S ANOTHER THING I HATE--

After several poisonings, we finally made it through the base, got the hangar doors unlocked and the base up and running.

"It should smooth sailing from--" I started.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Atton screamed, pointing at the ship.

"That would be a ship dear." I replied, walking forward.

"Not that, THAT!"

I didn't see it in time until I was blasted in the arm by a laser. I stumbled back and saw that I was a few yards away from a tank droid. I gritted my teeth together, clutched my arm and rolled behind the ship to avoid further damage. I watched as Atton and Bao-Dur created a distraction to get it away from me and the ship. I looked to arm, noticed it wasn't bleeding terribly, and grabbed my gun. First, I did was Kreia was doing and started to zap it with force lightning. Then, I aimed my gun carefully and shot at its optical receiver, shutting down its sight. Its head spun around, and it slammed itself into the wall multiple times.

"Come on!" I screamed, loading everyone onto the cargo freighter.

"We're not going to pilot around that thing!" Bao remarked, strapping himself in as tight as it will let him.

"Just watch me, I'm the best damn crack pilot you'll ever find." Atton stretched and strapped himself in the pilot's seat.

I stood over him, and breathed heavily, clutching my arm. He got the ship up smoothly and narrowly avoided the tank droid as Kreia treated my arm. I was actually shot in the shoulder, near the breast as the pain traveled down my arm. There was so much blood that Bao had to get towels.

"I need you to remove your shirt." Kreia demanded, her blank, unmoving eyes never leaving my own.

"What?" Atton and I asked at the same time.

"The one time Mileena removes her shirt, and I'm stuck piloting?" Atton whined, piloting into the polar region.

I could feel Kreia swell with anger, so I took control of the situation while removing my shirt.

"Relax big guy, I'm sure you'll see bigger ones on Nar Shadaa."

Kreia's anger began to swell ever more, to the point where I could no longer take it. I retrieved my arm and beckoned for Bao-Dur to follow me to the med bay. He delicately wrapped my arm as I laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling and never saying a word.

"Why do you let her dictate what you do and say?" He finally asked.

"Who Kreia?"

"Am I talking about Atton?"

"I don't know Bao. Something about her seems familiar, like I owe her something. Her and I have crossed paths before, but I can't remember when or why."

He didn't reply, instead pinned my bandage in place. I rolled over and stared into his deep brown eyes.

"Bao, have you ever seen Revan's face?"

He seemed confused by my asking, but he answered anyway.

"No, I don't believe anyone has."

"That's a lie."

"And how would you know?"

"I worked very closely with Revan."

"So is Revan male or female?"

"Female."

"And is she as beautiful as everyone claims her to be?"

I looked away and sat up, buttoning my shirt. I had some minor difficulties, so Bao helped me. He never seemed embarrassed by the sight of my breasts. It didn't surprise me that much, since he was an Iridonian.

"Hey Bao?"

"Yes, General?"

"Would you be best friend forever, no matter what my past was?"

He gazed into my fiery red eyes, the eyes that Atris claimed held the fires of war. Before he could answer, I was thrown from the small bed and into the wall where I injured my other arm. Bao and I scrambled up and clumsily ran into the cockpit where smoke trailed outside, and again, Atton fought to stabilize the ship.

"We're going down, prepare for another rough landing!"

I faintly remember smashing through the windshield and crashing through the icy cold snow.

--

I shivered in the snow for several minutes, slipping in and out of consciousness until Atton picked me up and stood me on my feet, handing me a vibrosword. Standing before us were three HK-50 models. The arm that had slammed into the wall on the ship was now dislocated, and I only had one arm to fight with.

:How do I win?: I asked Kreia.

:You fight Revan, like you always had.:

The anger rose in my chest like a sickness as I charged forward slashing, kicking, stabbing and screaming. Before I knew it, the battle was over and Atton was standing with a smoking blaster pistol. I scavenged a few parts and another piece for HK-47's revival. Atton swung an unconscious Bao-Dur over his shoulder as we walked to a small notch in the snow. Kreia opened the door and we were faced with several white haired, similar looking women.

"Drop your weapons, and we will not harm you." One of them spoke up.

"I drop my weapons for no one." I growled.

"You are in no condition to fight us, and you are outnumbered. I will not say it again, drop your weapons."

"I sense no danger will come to us if we comply with their request."

I slowly put down my vibrosword as Atton laid down his blaster and Bao-Dur, who was still unconscious, and a few women carried him away. Kreia and Atton were escorted to a different room as I was led ahead into a different room that looked similar to a Jedi Council chamber. The woman left, and another entered. She had unmistakable deep blue eyes and snow white hair. The moment I saw her, the anger rose into my chest and flowed through my veins like the incurable sickness that it was. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as her ego filled the room and only her and I inhabited.

"I never thought I would see you again Revan."

"I never intended to see you again, Atris."


	14. The Box

She stared me down with her ice blue eyes. She scanned me from head to toe, as if I were on trial again ten years ago. I clenched and unclenched my fists when she let out a small sigh.

"What is it that you want, _Revan_?" She sighed, putting venom into my name as if it were a curse to say it.

I circled the room, smiling at the furniture that mocked the council chambers on Dantooine and Coroscaunt. Oh she wanted so badly to be in the Council again.

"I heard the Jedi fell apart recently Atris," I stated, hearing the darkness of my voice reflected at me, "Tell me, what did you do?"

I could feel her temper burn as she snapped back at me, "I have done nothinbg Revan, it is you who have lead the Jedi to ruin! You lead thousands—millions even—away from the Council. You burned worlds until there was nothing left! You still have trillions of lives to answer for!"

I tried to keep calm, but that would never happen. Not while Atris was in the room, speaking to me as if I had all this on purpose.

"You speak as if I remember Atris," I spat, "As I recall, the Jedi Council wiped my mind and programmed me with a new identity!"

Our voices echoed off the walls at each other until I could no longer stand it. If I actually had my weapons, I would have cut her down without a second thought. While I was considering the idea, she took out a lightsaber and twirled it around as if it belonged to her. When I saw the two blades and the unmistakable silver color, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.

"My lightsaber," I whispered, but my voice turned into a scream that hurt my own ears, "That's my lightsaber you bitch!"

She smirked at me, and began to speak, but I couldn't hear her. My anger burned so hot it not only took all my willpower to attack her, but for the first time in many years I felt myself slipping back to the dark side. I breathed deeply and turned around to leave when her voice stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To stop the Sith, whether you want to help me or not!"

"Wait, Revan." Her voice was calmer now, so I turned around to hear what she had to say.

--

After much persuasion that I wasn't to blame for Peragus, I managed to get Atris to help me, without either of us getting hurt in the process. I found Bao-Dur and Atton unconscious in their cells while Kreia sat down, meditating quietly. She stood up when she saw me.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" She asked quietly.

I shut down the repulsor shields and sighed, "That depends. What was I supposed to find?"

Before I let her answer, I picked Atton up and shook him off. He awoke with a start, and there was fear in his eyes which melted away when he recognized my face.

"Oh, Mileena it's you."

"Of course it's me, who else would it be?" I asked as I helped him up and to his feet.

He stumbled a bit, but didn't answer. Bao also awoke, so I told him to meet us at the ship and get ready to launch. We had to rescue T3-M4, then head down to the hangar and get the hell out of here ASAP. Our mission was to find the rest of the Jedi Council that "exiled" me. If we wanted this to work, we had to move fast and pick people up along the way. I began to relax as we set foot on the Ebon Hawk again, and as soon as everyone left, I ran to the starboard dorms and unlocked the secret compartent under the bunks and sat down as I carefully opened the metal box inside. My breath was swept away as I uncovered pictures of my old friends, a picture of Carth and our child, a garter from what I assumed to be our wedding. Buried at the bottom of the box I found an old yellow note that was dated to over ten years ago.

_My dearest Revan,_

_If you are reading this, then the mind wipe of the Council has gone too far. Allow me to refresh your memory for you. You, Canderous, Mission, T3-M4, HK-47, Juhani, Jolie, Zalbaar, Bastila, and I rescued the galaxy many years ago. We found out that you were actually Revan, the former Dark Lord of the Sith. Bastila turned to the Dark Side, but you managed to bring her back with persuasion. You eventually faced your former apprentice Malak, and utterly defeated him. A few months after the celebrations and when everything settled down, you and I became married and had our first child, a daughter named Adeline. _

_I sincerely hope this clears things up for you._

_All my love,_

_Carth Onasi._

I stared at the letter in my hands, vaguely remembering the events he was speaking of. I dug through the box again and found our wedding bands. Everything in the box was beginning to yellow with age as I carefully picked up a photo of Adeline's baptism.

"Hey Mileena, where are you?"

I frantically put everything back in the box and closed it tight, locking it back into the compartment I found it in. I laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling until Atton walked into the room, leaning on the door frame like the cool kid he was.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Why?"

"Just checking." He said with a smile and walked away.


	15. The Enclave

"Wait, get back here!" I called to him.

He turned around and I nearly ran into him. I was so nervous my sentences came out in fragments and I stuttered.

"What did you see?" I asked.

"Just you shoving a box into a panel under the floor. What's in there?"

I turned around and walked away without saying a word. I could have told him it was nothing, but that couldn't work because judging by the way I put it back, it wasn't 'nothing.' As I was walking away, I felt a liquid fire pulse through me. It felt good, but at the same time it was a terrible, aching feeling. Was I turning to the dark side again? I tried to fight it…I tried so hard…

I'm sorry Carth.

--

"Where are we going from here?" Bao asked, holding his rib cage in pain.

"That's a good question, captain. Where are we going?" Atton asked, looking in my direction.

I glanced at the star map, seeing Korriban, Dantooine, Onderon and Nar Shaddaa. Korriban was the Sith planet, Dantooine was the planet that Malak bombed into submission, Onderon was the planet that had a huge problem with the Republic and was close to seceding, and Nar Shaddaa, the planet that had so many gang problems, and one could go to hide in plain sight, so to speak. Right.

"Plot a course for Dantooine," I said, performing the necessary calculations for an ETA, "And step on it."

"You got it," Atton replied, "ETA in two hours."

I went to the workbench in the garage and remembered when Carth stood over me, watching me carefully upgrade his pistol. I was installing the hair trigger when I underestimated the trigger itself. I glanced at the wall and noticed the scorch mark that was still there, after all these years. I wandered into the med bay, where I remembered Jolee Bindo playing psychologist with me after I found I was Revan. I lay down on the bed, and repeated what I told him out loud.

"Well, that makes me feel scared. Carth hates me, and I can understand why. I didn't mean to do any of that, it's not as though I can remember what I did and apologize. We came so far together, and now that's gone because of my past? I think he's overreacting, but then again, I never had a family of my own, so how would I know what it was like to lose them? It was low when Carth told me I probably killed my family. Like he knows what it's like to lose half your life."

"Who are you talking to?" I heard Atton say from the doorway.

I was slightly embarrassed that I was caught talking to myself, but then I was terrified that Atton had heard what I was saying.

"I'm just talking to me," I said nonchalantly, "What did you hear?"

"I just heard the last sentence, that's all." He said coyly.

He was hiding something, and I had a feeling he heard the entire conversation. I sat up and stepped off the medical bed, standing a good two inches from Atton, staring up at him from his chest. He had a lingering air of familiarity about him, but I couldn't place it. It was far away, like a dying echo. I ignored it when he gave me an odd look, rolling something in his palm.

"You know, I didn't realize until now just how short you are."

"Yeah, no kidding," I replied, slightly annoyed, "What did you hear?"

"Just the last sentence, I told you. Why are you freaking out anyway?"

I gritted my teeth. I knew that he heard my entire conversation and I did the one thing any woman would do in my situation. I reached up and took his face in my hands, kissing him hard. He dropped whatever was in his hand and grabbed my waist, digging his nails into my skin over my clothes. He pushed me back into the med ward and sealed the door behind him and locking it with a silent click.

I had to get him to shut his mouth.

--

I walked out of the med ward when I felt our gravity change. I knew we were on Dantooine, and I bumped into Kreia, who looked like a cat dunked in a cold bath in winter. I didn't say a word to her and exited the ship with her and Atton. She made several attempts to demand to know what happened when I was approached by a woman.

"You need a permit if you want salvage." She said nonchalantly.

"I'm not a salvager." I replied politely.

She glanced over my shoulder at the Ebon Hawk and huffed.

"I thought you were, judging by your ship."

Now I was going to get nasty. I was damn proud of the Ebon Hawk, she was my baby. Now this woman was going to sit and insult my ship? I don't think so.

"Are you saying my ship is junk?" I snipped.

She shook her head and said I had to go to the administrator if I wanted more information. I ignored the woman and brushed past her, staring out over the plains. A soft warm breeze blew across my body and I watched the tall grass sway. It had been quite a long time since I had been on Dantooine. Apparently it was true that Malak bombed Dantooine, I just had to see it for myself. I went to see the administrator in what was the one of the old feuding family's home. I couldn't even remember their names because it had been so long. It was rumored that they were either killed or fled during the destruction. The administrator smiled at me as I shut the door.

"I have questions." I said, carefully approaching her.

"Yes, anything you want." She replied.

"I'm looking for a Jedi, he's—"

She quickly looked around and stepped closer to me, whispering, "You're looking for Vrook, aren't you?"

"Why yes, but how did you—"

"Shh, it doesn't matter! Just take this permit and go down to the Jedi Enclave, he should be in the sublevels. Go, quickly, before something happens to him!"

I was surprised by how short she was and how exactly she knew I was looking for Vrook, but I figured she must have been a friend or something. Atton, Kreia and I trekked across the plains and near the Jedi Enclave, when Kreia interrupted my thoughts.

::Are you sure you want to do this? I wouldn't make you do anything you're uncomfortable with.::

::What other choice do I have?:: I replied and stared at the Enclave.

It wasn't just bombed. It was in ruins. Vines crept up the sides, there were craters in the walkway, and kath hounds roamed the ruins, looking for any foolish scavenger who would wander away.

I collapsed to my knees.


	16. The Disciple

"Whoa kid, are you okay?" Atton asked in alarm.

I struggled to stand on my own two feet as Kreia stood back and watched me. I shook my head and straightened my hair and walked down the broken path, stepping over craters and large debris. As we got closer to the sublevels of the enclave, a group of scavengers blocked our path. They talked about someone named Jorran and seemed out of breath and scared until they spotted us, and the leader straightened up.

"Just who the hell do you think you are? Some kind of scavenger?"

"I'm more than that, and I suggest you get out of our way."

"Oh it looks like we have some kind of tough guy here boys," The leader quipped and drew her vibrosword, "Let's teach her a lesson."

"Look at the mess you've gotten us into." Atton sighed and drew his blasters.

The fight didn't last very long, which was no real surprise. They were ill equipped and weren't warriors like we were. Atton helped me loot the bodies and we continued into the Enclave sublevels, where laigreks waited to tear us apart. After quickly taking care of them, I tried to open a door but it wouldn't budge. I heard a voice on the other side.

"Hello? Is anyone out there?"

"Is someone in there, or am I hearing things?" I called back.

"No! Someone's in here!! My name is Jorran. Please, are all the laigreks gone?"

"Nope, I'll come back when they're all dead, don't worry." I replied.

We continued deeper into the sublevels where the laigreks seemed to be greater in number. We eventually stopped in a long, dark hallway where hundreds of the ugly bastards scuttled about. I ducked back behind a wall before they could realize we were there. There were too many of them, so we needed to think of a plan.

"We could just throw grenades and lure a few of them in." Atton suggested.

"Not a bad idea Atton, but that could just draw in all the laigreks because of the noise." I replied.

We continued to think of a plan for a few minutes when it suddenly hit me. I grinned wickedly at Atton who shook his head at me.

"Oh no, you're not using me as bait!"

"Why not? You're certainly fast enough!" I chuckled.

"And what if I'm not faster than them? They'll tear me apart!"

"Kreia and I are right here to protect you…well, at least I am."

Atton sighed and rounded the corner to where the laigreks were crawling about. He waves his arms slightly to get their attention and eventually rolled something into the middle of them. Suddenly I heard an earth-splitting boom and I knew exactly what had happened.

"Atton, you are a serious asshole!" I screamed as every laigrek crawled towards us. We fought them off as best as we could until Atton fell unconscious. I dragged him into the next room where we sealed the doors shut and I injected him with a serum. He groaned and sat up, rubbing his head as Kreia walked about the room.

"There is a computer terminal here. You can use it to activate the other ones and set off an electric charge. That should kill all the laigreks around."

It never ceased to amaze me how Kreia could see anything beyond her hood. Even then it still shocked me, because I knew she was blind. I injected Atton with a health pack and walked to the terminal, running a hand over it. I easily hacked it with a few computer spikes and planned to set the charge to go off in five seconds.

"Atton, when I set this to go off, get that door open!" I screamed.

He nodded and I set the charge for ten seconds, just in case Atton is a moron.

"Go!"

I didn't hear the door slide open as expected. I heard a panicked voice cry that the door was jammed. Fuck, if we didn't get this door open, we'd be dead. I counted how many seconds we had left in the back of my head, and we managed to get the door open with three seconds on the clock. We ran out the door as fast as we could just as the terminal began to overload. The laigreks attempted to chase us, but were fried in the process. We rounded the corner just in time for me to get the last bolt of electricity through my leg. I crumpled to the ground in pain, not being able to stand.

"Come on, we have to keep moving, there's no telling if that terminal will go off again."

He scooped me into his arms and ran down the hallway, but stopped and dived into a room when we heard sizzling coming from the terminals. To our surprised, there was someone in the room studying a statue nearby. He didn't look like a scavenger, but he rushed to my side when he saw I couldn't walk by myself.

"You look terribly injured," He said soothingly, "Let me help you."

He retrieved a box from a corner in the room and came back, rubbing a cool ointment onto the wound of my leg. He rubbed something else into the wound, which made me cry out in pain. He eventually wrapped my leg and patted my shoulder.

"My apologies, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's perfectly fine…" I replied in a daze.

He had gorgeous blue-grey eyes that seemed to shine and soft golden blonde hair that touched the back of his neck. He smiled at me, and I felt a tantalizing familiarity about him.

"Do I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar."

"Ah, when you travel throughout the galaxy, faces tend to blur together after a time." He replied, waving his hand.

"Just what the hell are you doing here anyway?" Atton asked, crossing his arms. He was obviously annoyed that someone would move in on _his_ girl like that.

The blonde stranger stood up and dusted himself off. He helped me up and kissed the back of my hand. I blushed at his manners and he sat me down on a chair so I wouldn't stress my leg so soon.

"You may call me Disciple, I'm just here to find out what happened to the Jedi Council and the only Jedi to ever be exiled from the Order."

I shifted my good leg nervously as the Disciple paced about the room, talking about how he was a diplomat for the Republic and how he was a historian and a scientist, although he was more of a historian than anything else. Finally, he asked to join our group.

"Well, yeah…you seem great and all "Disciple", but we travel as a pretty light group. We're full up." Atton growled.

Obviously not taking the hint he wasn't welcome, Disciple countered, "I'm not a burden I assure you. If I prove to be, then you may—"

"Alright enough," I interjected, "Don't give Atton any ideas about leaving your behind on some backwash planet, and ignore him. You're more than welcome in our group. You could prove to be a real asset."

He kissed the back of my hand again as a thank you, and scooped me up in his arms bridal-style. I could feel Atton's jealousy burning.

"Wait, I want to check out that statue you were looking at before."

As we got closer to it, I noticed there were several dead mercenaries with fatal wounds that looked like they were made by a lightsaber. Atton picked up a holodisk, read it, then handed it to me. It mentioned that Vrook had retreated into the crystal caves on the other side of the Khoonda plains. The Disciple continued to carry me as we almost reached the exit.

"Wait, we have to free Jorran." I said as we passed by the familiar door.

"We've killed all the laigreks in this area Jorran, you can come out now." Atton called beyond the door.

We heard a few clunks and whirrs as the lock became undone. The door opened and a man with a long white beard and deep brown eyes stepped out cautiously. He looked from side to side and sighed in relief. He talked about the scavengers we saw earlier and how they only wanted his loot.

"Well, did you grab anything useful?" Atton asked, annoyed.

"I just grabbed mostly Jedi garbage that they left behind. The really valuable holodisks were looted a long time ago. Meet me at the camp and we'll negotiate a price."

We watched him leave as I turned to the Disciple. Now was a good time as any to tell him the truth.

"You know, I am a Jedi," I started, "Sticking around with me could prove to be extremely dangerous."

"I know you're a Jedi…" He stopped, looking for a name.

"I'm not giving you my name if you didn't give me yours first." I said seriously.

He chuckled warmly. "I suppose that is rather rude, isn't it? My name is Mical. What would yours be?"

"Mileena, but how did you know I was a Jedi?" I asked.

"Anyone with eyes can see that. You're very powerful, and it isn't just physical. As for the danger, I'm used to it by now, so as long as I'm welcome I'll stay with you."

I nodded and smiled. He could prove very, very useful. The name had rung such a loud bell in my ears, however, and he looked very familiar. There was no way that "faces just blurred together". Could names blur together as well? I ignored it for now as we headed back to the Ebon Hawk temporarily so I could heal my injured leg.


End file.
